Television Bores me

Yeah,

television bores me... like every single unthoughtfull think these days.... the madness I am in is not a psyhcholgical one... I was like this since I know myself... Everything looks somehow different from my eyes.. I dont know why.. people tell me always why do you think that much.. why do u care about the world that much... I dont know really.... It is like normal for me...why I am into songs this much.. why I am in poetry or in art or why I am art guy.. sometimes ı tired of this and cry... oh my god why I cant be normal....why cant ı intersted in football, or women or sex like any other men... why ı look someone special or why I cant make love without being in really love... why cant ı be an animal sometimes... just have your sins and forget....


bored I am.. I have to be washed by an ocean.. or the most tender touches of the wind... or get lost somewhere that nobody will ask me to give something ... get lost or get found.. cry with your innermost feelings.. hang a petition on every street on every city.. to ask for someting ... selll your pride and be naked... be strong and weak.. make a travel with your train of thoughts to somewhere u dont belong.. be afraid.. be scared.. feel the uttermost of your heart.... live the utmost.. climb to the heights of your mountains... see the sun bathing your shoes... open the most secret worlds from the pandoras box.. see what is hidden from the humans.. which is not told..

flowers they say... flowers are beautiful....

tell me my dear.. why flowers are beautiful....

the meaning of words or colors.... as I told u.. lost their meanings sometimes... lost deeply in a turmoil of things.. get mixed or change their clothes.. my wardrobe of words untidy these days... in a brink of madness ı stand still.. calm and peacufull sometimes... like watching big storm unharmed below... seeing things outside.... where u dont need time......

alone in a bliss that u can not share with some one... afraid to tell the things u feel and see.. cause nobody will understand you.. or will treat u that u are mad.. or has a sickness that doesnt have a cure...pushing aside the others u try to make a way for yourself... a way that will save u from the real madness...

the real madness my dear is to think that you are not normal... cause this means that u surrender yourself to others.... allow them to put the blame on you... is like shaking the hand of the burglar who stole all your precious... thank u my burglar... u take all the things that I made myself.. here take my soul.. enter into into my realm... rob me.. make me someone normal.....


I t is hard to be wise and honest at the same time... it is hard to have a big heart..

being wise doesnt satisfy me anymore.... it doesnt make me happy....

a strugle between your mind and your heart and your instincts..

it is better to live may be without the thought of tomorrow and yesterday..

may be possesions are not that bad.. may be it is good thing this money.. may be ı can buy a dream... or ice cream will be fine too...


when boredoom comes to your dooor... it is hard to know what u need is diffrerent than what u want.... it kills u.. it breakes u into pieces.. each piece falls into far distant land that u will have no time to gather yourself together again... u pray no one sees u.. your pride pushes you from your back... you put on your clothes, brush your teeth and go to streets... do your daily job then come back to home... what is a home really....

when u close the door, you change your clothes, change your fake smile and put on yourself the real you... this is home.. a place on your own.... sometimes u really afraid of yourself that u call or pray that someone will call and visit you... the fear of being alone with yourself... facing the mirror.... this the real task...

and then some turn on the TV. and the TV gives you what u want... makes you forget yourselft.. tells u about your dreams. puts something in you that makes you believe that everything is fine.. u will get what u desrve.. life is fine.. blah blah.. like the priests in old times telling u that u will go to heaven if u are a real believer... go to church... dont lie... work hard.. blah blah. but television cant give u what u need... beacuse we want to believe into something real... something you can hold... something that lives... television is just an empty box.. with colorful lights and fancy sounds... it doesnt have a smelll.. and a smell is sometimes what u really miss...


and yes television bores me....

when I walk on the streets I saw many with empty minds and empty hands.. ı prefer empty hands... a bare hand can not fake.. it is sincere... it is what it is.. and nothing else.. but a mind can be anything it wants...
it can own your heart, your pride and soul if you are too much of a possesion thing... the moment you think of how many things you own.. is the moment u surrender yourself.. and the moment you think that there is a moment like this... you get lost... you are like water... you have no shape... but free...

and then you get hungry, you had to eat... and some people eat other people's meat... beacuse meat these days is scarce... or the meat you want is more than u can chew...
the lion my dear is the king of jungle.. a king that never chews more than he can eat.... but the king of the industrial plain eats the lion king.... the industrial king is always hungry for others meat.



and yes my brain is my biggest enemy, but he is my best friend too....